Season

Bonjour resilient military family member,

So, its posting season. The season you have been waiting to receive some news. Some are expecting it, some hoping for it and some not expecting it. Last minute changes, realisations of months of talking coming to fruition. This time is a work out for all the emotions, planning and heart combined.

I was recently asked by a civilian friend, how I felt about it. They did also say before I had formed my sentence ‘oh you must be excited’. Honestly excitement was not my first thought! I have settled on ‘it’s a soup of emotions.’

Yes change, a new house and new life is exciting, but behind all of that is the loss of everything this posting has become. Honestly, it’s not been easy. It was so hard in the beginning, I longed for an early posting message. A hope there would be a reason to return home to our last posting. The isolation and fear I felt in the early days, while distant memories, are still memories. They are a reminder of all the feelings I could feel again. Now I love where we are. I have friends in the community. The kids are thriving in school. There are so many things I will miss. It is a soup of emotions.

I am already noticing how friends who are staying need to find new friends and reasons and ways to connect with people who are also staying, so I am getting left out again. I am finding that the to-do list is overwhelming and I don’t know where to start, but I also know that its slightly too early to start on most things, because if I do them now, I will only need to do them again. Then there are the easy wins that I honestly can’t face, because its admitting that the move is happening. So, what did I do instead?! I published my third book, ‘Happy Mother’s day’. Why have a stressful few months, when you can distract yourself with a whole new level of unnecessary stress!!!

I did this last time we moved too, only it was with a newborn, a 2 year old and I was still working. Crazy lady!!!

In all of this, what I am trying to say is that regardless of if you are staying or going this year, it is a very emotionally unsettling time of the year. If you are staying, you might be saying goodbye to a best friend and trying to re-imagine this place without them. If you are going, well you have all those goodbyes, houses to sell and buy and 1000 other jobs that at times overwhelm you and leave you feeling paralysed in stress. You can also be somewhere in the middle!

Wherever your emotions find you, please know that they are normal and its normal to have big feelings. You need to have time to process them. You need time for goodbyes, and time for you as a family, so here are a few quick top tips to help you.

If you need a to do list, here is mine. My husband and I divide the work. He is in charge of the paperwork and admin side – not my forte! I am in charge of the practical, get your hands dirty kind of jobs, assigning him the ones I don’t want to do. This works for us.

-          Plan the goodbyes early. Do you need a party? Do you need presents? Start thinking about them in February so you can collect what you need well ahead of the lastminute headache.

§   I find a framed photo is a nice option.

§  I also write a poem and either put it in a photo book, or a frame with a photo of us to be remembered by.

-          Do the cleaning list. The one that includes painting, air ducts etc. so you can plan this in either to your last day of clean, or ahead of time.

-          Declutter. If you are anything like me, you do this yearly anyway because you never know if you are moving or not, but if you haven’t sort things into ‘keep’, ‘charity’ and ‘garbage’. Be ruthless, but remember you aren’t going to want to replace things that you might need… like Tupperware.

-          Prep the kids. Whatever their age, there is huge change coming. You need to talk to them about what is going on. The big feelings erupting around them from time to time and what it means. Talk to them about the new house, show them pictures and / or take them if necessary.

§  Check out the resource section for some books you can edit and make your own.

-          Schedule time to clean the things for packing. I don’t want things to come out the container smelling and knowing I have to clean them, so if there are things you need to wash, plan enough time to get them dry so they are ready for the new house. I am thinking bedding being a big thing here, or know that will be your first wash load on arrival!

-          Date nights. You and your significant other need to work so hard to stay connected. You are both thinking about the move, but your priorities are different, but equally important. Check in with each other about how their to do list is going and also have some fun. Remind yourselves why you put yourselves through this every few years!

-          Talk to people you trust about your feelings and encourage your family to do the same. It is hard for everyone.

-          Make the memories and thank the universe for the lessons learnt and memories made.

This life of ours is varied and amazing and lonely and scary and filled with opportunity. You’ve got this, you really have.

Good luck and see you on the other side.

Best wishes

Nicola